Things Fully Vaccinated People Are Still Not Allowed to Do

Illustration by Luci Gutiérrez

The New Yorker, Shouts & Murmurs
March 29, 2021 Issue
By Eli Grober
March 22, 2021

Fully vaccinated people can visit with other fully vaccinated people indoors . . . and refrain from quarantine and testing following a known covid-19 exposure if the vaccinated person remains asymptomatic. —Dr. Rochelle Walensky, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Here at the C.D.C., we have announced a new set of public-health recommendations for people who are fully vaccinated against covid-19. However, there are a number of things that vaccinated people are still not allowed to do. Please familiarize yourself with this list.

Reply All

Once you are fully vaccinated, you are still not allowed to reply all to an e-mail that was clearly not meant to solicit such a reply. Similarly, getting the vaccine does not give you the green light to cc two hundred people on an e-mail. Better to bcc them.

Stay Unmuted During Group Zooms

Just because you’re fully vaccinated doesn’t mean that everyone wants to hear all the sniffing and typing and fidgeting you do while in a Zoom meeting. Mute yourself, whether you’ve got the shot or not.

Walk in the Middle of a Busy Sidewalk

Moderna, Pfizer, Johnson & Johnson—none of these will prevent other people from getting really annoyed that you won’t stay on your side of the pavement.

Not Order Fries and Then Eat Your Friends’ Fries Off Their Plates

No kind of vaccine will ever make it O.K. to do this. Even if you’re vaccinated and eating outdoors, masked and distanced, just order your own damn fries.

Play Devil’s Advocate

You may be protected against covid-19, but you’re not protected against looking like a jerk. Just admit that you like being disagreeable, and then keep the rest to yourself.

Eat Hot Dogs Horizontally, As if They’re Corn on the Cob

Some people like to eat their hot dogs in this fashion. This is super weird, and, no matter how vaccinated you are, you are not allowed to do it.

Use Both Armrests on a Plane or a Train

Just because it’s safe for you to travel again doesn’t mean that you’re the only one travelling. Are both of your elbows really that tired?

Get On the Subway Before Letting Riders Off

You have never been and are still not allowed to do this. You may have the antibodies, but you don’t get to be anti everyone else’s body.

Suddenly Stop Walking Up a Flight of Stairs to Look at Your Phone

Like developing a vaccine, going up stairs is an activity that demands your full attention. You may be immune to the novel coronavirus, but you’re certainly not immune to a person behind you walking straight into your butt. Get to the top of the stairs, then look at your phone, and then be grateful for modern medicine.

Have You Been Fully Vaccinated?

People are considered fully vaccinated:

  • 2 weeks after their second dose in a 2-dose series, such as the Pfizer or Moderna vaccines, or
  • 2 weeks after a single-dose vaccine, such as Johnson & Johnson’s Janssen vaccine

If it has been less than 2 weeks since your 1-dose shot, or if you still need to get your second dose of a 2-dose vaccine, you are NOT fully protected. Keep taking all prevention steps until you are fully vaccinated.

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